Monday Funday

You know it's been a good morning when everyone ends up crying in their underwear.

+1 adult (not pictured).

I knew there would come a day when the seedy yellow stools hit the fan. Today was officially that day.

We were all dressed in clean clothes looking well groomed. There was a decided lack of cooperation by the underlings, but we were slowly inching toward the car, grocery list in hand! Ready to tackle that meal plan.

Zelie pooped and spit through her outfit and mine. Normal newborn stuff. Roll with those punches.

Will on the other hand JUST COULD NOT LIFE at all today. The back of his neck was itchy and it turned him into an inconsolable, angry beast. For example, I was sitting nursing (a hungry and very gassy) Zelie and he needed me to hold him and console him because he was trying to blow a fart on his arm and he COULDN'T DO IT. And WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ignores her child undergoing such torment?

His inner monologue:

Dearest Mother,

I see you are rather occupied nourishing your less-capable offspring.

However, have you noticed the debacle I am in? 

I require a fart noise.

I am unable to make said fart noise at this juncture. 

Please acknowledge my hysterics until I become occupied with something more important.

Ooooh, dog food.

I love sniffing dog food.

Byeeeee.

Yours Truly,

William Hugh (age: 1)

The fart noise problem. Just one example in a sea of options.

Every time I held Zelie (who oddly did not want to be set down all morning), he would say "TOO?!" meaning he wanted me to pick him up, TOO. Get it? Yeah, it takes me A REALLY LONG time to figure out what he means when he says things. So I cooked lunch with Zelie in the Moby and holding Will on my hip (or clawing at my legs when my arm needed a break). 

At least I was burning calories because you bet I was stress-eating tater tots by noon. 

Cue the mom guilt. I truly did want to help him because I read [the first half of] this book, which basically says you are raising a narcissist if you don't connect with your child when they are throwing a tantrum. My e-book loan expired before I could reach the second half of the book, so I basically don't know what to do after that. Something about redirection. Surely he will turn out okay, even if my attention and my hands are divided. If not, there's always boarding school.

Aaaanyway. 

I hope your Monday is going a little better. Toddlers able to make fart noises when required, babies pooping mainly in their diapers and spitting up in areas that don't involve pools of liquid in the center of your bra? All the normal stuff.