Latest & Greatest

My baby boy is TWO! We did it big with a mailman-themed Happy Birthday extravaganza. (AKA we invited three people over for cake.) Will's parents sent this HILARIOUS mailman get-up for his birthday, just in time for the little party. That mail carrier bag has seen all manner of vehicles . . . planes, trains, automobiles, you name it. It's not quite as beloved as his cowboy boots, but it has a special place in his heart, for sure.

He was pretty pumped for his b-day this year. He practiced blowing out candles leading up to the big day thanks to Advent. And we taught him the Happy Birthday Song through the whole month of January. He still bolts out a "Happy Bahhday, YAH YAHHH!" x 4 … blows air, "YAYYY" + claps every so often. 

All of his hard work definitely paid off. 

Those candles didn't stand a chance.

Hashtag fun fam!

Indulge me for a sec, because I really can't believe how old and big and smart he's getting. Every few days he'll really surprise me with something new he says or does. For example, he just started shouting "PANCAKES!!!!" every time we pass The Egg & I on 64. We love brunch. It's just odd because you really can't even see the building from the highway. In the same vein, he shouts "JESUS!!!!" every time he passes our church. (We have a Ordinary Time routine, okay?) 

He just started recognizing where we are when we drive around. He cries tears of agony every time we turn in the direction opposite of the base. Because he knows when we go on base we get to see airplanes, the occasional freight train, and, of course his favorite, his daddy. 

He's getting more serious with his toys and it kills me. 

When he wants to do something specific with his toys, he'll usually whine "HELP PEEEZ!!" and then just do it himself because he can. I really think he underestimates his own abilities sometimes and defaults to asking for help.

Toddlers, man. Keep you on your toes.

Hi Z.

Zelie's all, I'm bald!

Zelie turned two months old today. I'll have a full post that includes all your intricate poop deets, but I want to wait until after her checkup on Friday so I have her stats. She is still tall. (Pic above was from a couple weeks ago. And how cute is the bandit bib from Whole Parenting Goods? Obsessed.) 

You may have noticed I chopped all my hair off. I just finally had to take the plunge and get the mom lob. It was time. 

I had no idea that my cut and style would be free as a perk for donating. I was super pumped! And of course I haven't been able to get my hair to look as good as it does in the pic above, but c'est la vie, no? I could straighten my hair ALL DAY and nope.

Postpartum running is going well! I have been taking it slow. My longest run so far has been 3.66 miles on the treadmill. The weather is supposed to get really nice over the next few days, so hopefully I can hit the pavement with the duallie. I've managed to lose a couple more pounds, but I still have about 11 pounds to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight. But I finally bought a pair of jeans that actually sort of fit, so I am in less of a hurry. 

Can't hang.

Lent is here! You may or may not have noticed I haven't been on social media much. Here's what I've been up to: 

• Deleted social media apps from my phone (Bloglovin', Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat). I can fire up the old MacBook to check Facebook or read blogs, but I generally don't because it. is. so. slow. I've been trying to especially limit time spent on my phone during the day when I am supposed to be parenting. So far, so good. So, so good. 
• I am working on the Blessed is She Lenten Workbook. I've been loving the journaling. (Big surprise right? I mean I do have this crazy blog.)
• I've been limiting processed sugar. I say limiting because I am breastfeeding and stopping my nightly chocolate milkshake is a big freaking deal for me. 
• Less screen time for Little Will. It got out of hand there for a while. I'm feeling like I have much more energy lately to get out of the house and/or figure out things to do with Will at home, so it's been a lot easier to implement this. 
• We are donating a portion of our tax refund.

I did a bad thing and tried to bring both children to Ash Wednesday mass by myself on base. It made this bad morning look like child's play. My first mistake was going to a different parish than our usual so that we could attend a full mass that didn't interfere with meal times or naps. We arrived early because it was snowing and I wanted to make sure I got a parking spot close to the building. Little Will was unusually hyper waiving and yelling "HIII" to everyone who walked in as the unofficial greeter. Once mass started, he didn't want to stay in the pew, which is normal, but when I took him out to the vestibule, he screamed his head off. Nothing would console him. I had Zelie in the Moby wrap because I knew I'd be in and out of the pew with Little Will. ANYWAY, once the meltdown of all meltdowns occurred a whopping five minutes into mass, I decided that we just needed to leave. WELL, I had to go back into the church get my bag. We slowly and quietly creep back in as not to be any more of a disturbance. At which point Little Will ran up the center aisle and bum rushed the priest as he gave the homily, yelling "HIIIII!" and waiving. I grabbed my bag and power walked toward the front. A parishioner grabbed Little Will and pointed him back toward me. At which point I made awkward eye contact with a gentleman who I'm sure was at least an O-6, probably a four-star general because that's what happens. Zelie's head was bouncing around in the Moby, pretty unsecured, while I make the looooong walk of shame down the aisle out of the church. More melting down while I buckle poor little sis into her car seat and we slowly make our way outside into the snowy white abyss.

So I guess what I'm saying is Lent started off with a bang. Just trying to make things extra penitential around here.

I promise the transition from 1 to 2 has still been pretty smooth! We've just had a few … moments.

Last, but not least, you may remember back in October when I blogged about how we would soon be getting our next base assignment. Well, that notification got pushed back to February. We waited and waited and waited as Will's colleagues got the news. And finally, today, we got the "unofficial" news of where we'll be living come July. Hint: it's NOT in the direction we were trying to go (East).  I won't jinx it by disclosing it here, but as soon as we get official orders (in a couple more months), you'll be the first to know. ;) 

Our Daughter (an Intro & a Birth Story)

She's here! I am overjoyed to share the arrival of our daughter, Zelie Clare. Zelie (pronounced ZELL-ee, rhymes with Kelly) is named after Saint Zelie Martin, the mother of the ever-popular and beloved St. Therese of Lisieux. We are utterly smitten.

She's currently being seen by the pediatrician in our effort to get the heck out of this hospital (the boys went home for the night last night and should be arriving here in an hour or so), so let's take a minute to tell the story of how she arrived. (Please be advised, bodily fluids/birth stuff discussed beyond this point. You've been warned.) 

I'd been experiencing prodromal labor since December 1st that seemed to be intensifying over time. I was decidedly NOT handling it well due to the lack of sleep and hormones! Oh, the hormones! On the afternoon of December 16, Little Will and I met my friend Lauren (Zelie's godmother) at Barnes & Noble and started having the most consistently intense/painful contractions thus far. Before heading to bed, they were 5 minutes apart and I let myself think maybe this is it. I packed some final odds and ends in my hospital bag just in case, and we even texted our neighbors (who agreed to watch Little Will) a head's up that we may, probably not, but may, be headed to the hospital that night. They spaced out when I went to bed even though I couldn't sleep through them much, and finally fizzled out at 4:30 that morning. I woke up the morning of December 17 a sleep-deprived zombie, convinced I would never ever go into real labor. 

I was wracking my brain as to why I was having so many false starts. According to Spinning Babies, Zelie was in the LOA position to a T, i.e., "the most common, ideal position." So I didn't think her position was causing my issues. I'd been reading a lot of natural birth stuff and watching Business of Being Born, etc., in an effort to give myself some patience, but after the night before I was thinking, "Just give me an epidural and all the drugs so I can have a good nap and then push this baby out!!!" At my last check I was 3.5cm, 70% effaced, at -1 station, so I knew things were favorable for induction already. It was so tempting just to go ahead and ask for one! I had my 40 week checkup the afternoon of December 17 at 3:30pm. (I was 39 weeks, 6 days.) I planned to ask the doctor to strip my membranes.

That morning, we had a play date with our neighbors at our house to pass the time. I stayed in my PJs. I talked to my neighbor, Sally, all about how I felt like I'd never go into labor. I had a couple contractions during their visit, but thought nothing of it. After they left and I got Little Will down for his nap, around noon, I went to the bathroom and noticed a chunk of blood in my mucus. I'd been noticing a lot more mucus the past couple days. The weekend before I'd seen a LOT of bloody show that I figured was the result of my 39 week cervix check as it had stopped after 2 days. I thought maybe it was a good sign that a membrane stripping that day would put me into labor, but I didn't get my hopes up in any way. (2+ weeks of prodromal labor really did make me think I'd be pregnant forever by this point.) At that point, I was feeling cramps, but contractions were painless.

At 12:30pm, I texted my husband that I'd had my first "good" contraction of the day. I was hoping they'd pick up a little before heading to the doctor. Little Will was still napping, so I ate lunch and tidied up the house. When he woke up, I got us ready to leave for the appointment. I took Little Will outside to check the mail and let him play with chalk in the garage. (It was freezing outside!) Will got home from work around 2:15pm and we hurriedly loaded up the car with the hospital bags and headed out. Will didn't have time to change out of his ABUs. I started timing contractions in the car. They were about 3-7 minutes apart the whole drive. There were a couple pretty strong ones, too. Really, they were no different than the afternoon and evening before. 

At 3:30pm, I'm at the doctor's office. I mention that I think I might be in early labor with contractions 5 minutes apart, but I don't really believe it. I get checked and lo' and behold, I am 4-5cm dilated. The doctor suspects I am in labor, but I'm really not convinced. My doctor tells me I can wait it out and go home, or he can call over to L&D and let them know I'm coming, so I can get monitored, start an IV (GBS+), and walk around to see if things pick up. If things stall out, he says he'll break my water. So basically, do I want to have a baby tonight?

Yes. Yes I do.

I opt to head straight over to L&D so that I can get set up while Will takes Little Will all the way back to our neighbor's. We live 45 minutes from the hospital, so he'd be gone at least a couple hours. I figure if this is real labor, at least we'd know by the time he got back and there was no threat of him missing out on anything. So, we leave. We part ways in front of the doctor's office building, me heading to the hospital next door, my guys heading to the car. Little Will is pretty upset I'm not coming with them (i.e., he throws a tantrum!), and I get all weepy thinking that that might be the last time I see him before his sister is born!

Still having regular contractions.

It's 4:00pm. I head up to L&D by myself. The nurses were expecting me and I am put straight into L&D Room 7. I change into a gown and get strapped to the monitors. The plan is to stay on the monitors until I'm finished my first round of penicillin, and then I can get up to walk around and see if labor picks up. By 4:50pm, I'm on the IV drip and my nurse Felicia tells me my contractions are 2-5 minutes apart. The drip doesn't hurt at all, so I ask Felicia to turn up the drip, so I can be up and walk around faster. She obliges. It burns now, but it's done in half the time, 15 minutes. Felicia starts prepping the room for delivery, saying "just in case you go fast." This freaks me out that maybe my contractions are stronger than I'm feeling. I text Will to hurry back!

One last bump shot.

By 5:30pm, I am pacing the room in my yellow socks and hospital gown. I pray the Christmas novena Will and I started November 30 and I text him to say it in the car so we don't forget. I then move on to a joyful mysteries rosary. I tried turning on some music, but I felt awkward listening to Adele by myself in my room for some reason. At 6:00pm I text Will asking whether he's close. I just had a hard contraction. Things are definitely picking up! Am I really in labor or is this all in my head?!

Will walks into the room about 15 minutes later. With food. So heartless. (I sneak a few bites of his burger.)

Around 6:30pm, Felicia checks me for the first time since my doctor's appointment. I am SHOCKED when she announces I am 6-7cm dilated, baby is low, but my cervix is a bit posterior. There is blood on her glove after the check and from that point on I have bloody show. The contractions slowly gain in intensity, but they aren't bad. I update family and friends on my progress, wondering how the heck I am still barely feeling this labor! 

What labor?!

I'm getting monitored intermittently. So every 30 minutes, I have to put the monitors back on so they can observe the baby's heart rate through at least one contraction. It's really no big deal at this point.

My doctor isn't at the hospital, but he wants to have the on-call doctor break my water. I'm not sure whether I should let labor progress a little more, after all I hadn't really even been convinced it was really labor, or go for this augmentation to really ramp things up. I decide to just go for it. It had been a while since I'd really eaten, or slept for that matter, so it was probably best not to slowly labor all night.

Somewhere around this time, I get a new nurse, Danielle. Felicia's shift had ended. She never said she was leaving. FELICIA NEVER SAID GOODBYE.

Sitting in the bed for monitoring and such really isn't all that painful. The contractions are much more intense when I'm up and walking around, which I figure is better for the progression of labor. I do a lot of walking and swaying against Will during contractions. It feels really good to squat while he pulls up on my arms, so I do that during contractions, too. The exercise ball is out and I have Will do counter pressure on my hips through some contractions on it. BUT, it feels so good I decide to "save" the exercise ball for when contractions get harder. After all, it seems like walking and squatting do more to move her down in my pelvis anyway.

At 9:00pm, I need another round of penicillin. I have Danielle make it a quick line again. She checks me when it's finished, around 9:30pm and I am 7cm dilated, about 90% effaced, and baby is at -1 station, however, my cervix is still posterior to Zelie's head. I don't know what this means or how to fix it. Danielle just tells me that Zelie needs to come down more. To me, that means I should be up walking around letting gravity do its thing.

Just before 10pm, the on-call doctor arrives to break my water. I am simultaneously really excited about it because I know it means Zelie is coming soon, and yet dreading it because I know how bad the contractions will get. The doctor has small, gentle hands, and the water breakage is a lot less painful than I was expecting, so things are off to a good start. However, the doctor also confirms that my cervix is the dreaded "posterior." I wish I knew what that meant, all the medical professionals are giving me confusing explanations, but I am officially in the labor zone where Googling is out of the question.

I labor for over an hour. First I sit/stand on the side of the bed because I have to be monitored for the 15 minutes following the membrane rupture. I manage to keep the amniotic fluid mess to a minimum! Will and I pray the Christmas novena through a few more contractions here. I am still able to coherently talk through contractions and we pray together. The Christmas novena is a great labor prayer! Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the son of God is born….

Baby looks good, so I have sweet freedom! At this point, things are getting pretty intense. I decide to kneel on a towel on the side of the bed and squat during contractions. I am so sure that this will help Zelie move down and take care of that pesky posterior cervix. I'm beginning to get vocal with low moans. I try out the exercise ball that I'd been "saving" and decide that I hate it. I decide to sit on the bed with my left leg dangling off to the side. I shake my leg during the contractions and moan while Will strokes my hair and face (which, yes, I told him to keep doing - it was the only thing that felt good at this point!). Danielle comes back in and breaks the bad news that it's time for my intermittent monitoring. I can't find a helpful position to labor in anyway, so whatever. I'm still having breaks between contractions (something I lacked during the pitocin contractions with my first), so I am handling things okay.

It's about 11:10pm and Danielle checks me. I tell her I just want to be able to push. Not because I feel the urge, but because it would be something different to try. Like I said, nothing is helping the pain. She checks me and breaks the news …

I am still 7cm.

Over an hour of really intense contractions. Zelie has moved down, but my dilation has not progressed at all. I am still only at 7.

I begin to kind of freak out. I turn to Will and ask him whether I should get the epidural. In our conversations beforehand, the only thing I wanted him to do if I asked for an epidural is insist I get a cervix exam first to check progress. Well, I was just checked. The short breaks between contractions are my saving grace because they give me the tiny glimmer of confidence in myself that I can make it, but during contractions I am asking for help and shouting things like "oh God! Oh God!" Danielle asks me what I want to do and I tell her I don't know. She tells me she'll give me a minute to think about it. According to her notes, she leaves the room at 11:15. While in the hallway, she tells another nurse that her patient is thinking about an epidural, but she thinks she can make it without it.

At 11:19pm, she hears screams and returns to our room.

Yup, that's me screaming. After Danielle left, I switch to hands and knees on the bed. I don't know why - just something different to try. And that's where I truly entered transition. I am totally unable to control my screaming and barely able to control my breathing. I tell Will I might puke and he sticks a trash can in my face. Not my favorite move, but luckily I only dry heave into it during a couple contractions. The contractions are wracking my body, though there does seem to be very short breaks between them when I can stop screaming and catch my breath.

I start pushing, still on hands and knees. I literally have no control over this. I just start screaming "I'm pushing!! I can't help it!!!!" Danielle tells me to stop and wait for the doctor, but I can't. Then she switches to telling me I need to breathe so the baby gets oxygen. Breathing I can do. Stop pushing I cannot do.

I can hear the flurry of activity behind me and I feel the ring of fire. I still really have no concept of where the baby is. Was she crowning? I feel tons of pressure, but I really have no idea. How bout I just keep screaming at the top of my lungs? That's what I'll do.

More pressure, more screaming. There is lots of excitement behind me, but all I know is pressure and screaming. And then I feel her slip out! And then I hear her cry! It's 11:24pm. The relief is indescribable. I am so relieved it's over and excited to hear her cry that I just start sobbing hysterically. I turn my head briefly to see her on the bed behind me, but I can't move. I just keep sobbing. Sobbing feels good after all that screaming. I look over to my left at Will and he is crying and telling me I did it! I couldn't believe it was over! After a minute or two, I am able to move my body and flip around so I can sit on the bed and hold her. It was a little difficult with the placenta still inside and cord still attached and everything. But finally, I am able to hold my baby! She remained with me for the next hour while I birthed the placenta and got a small tear stitched up. I tore in the same spot as with little Will, but a little less. Zelie nursed like a champ for about 30 minutes until we finally had to cut her off so she could get measured and looked at!

Little Will came to the hospital to meet his new baby sister yesterday. I can't wait to head home today and settle in as a family of four!

Catching Up

Oh me, oh my. I haven't blogged in five months. Whoops! Let's briefly catch up with some of the highlights.

The little guy turned one in February. 

ONE. 

We only had one H magnet. Improvise.

I went big on the smash cake. He ate literally one bite.

In late February I went back to my doctor for a Clomid fix, and just a few weeks later we learned that Baby Brez #2 is on the way!

Super pumped big bro.

The lil' nugget at 6 weeks, 6 days.

The giant nugget at 16 months. 

I am due in mid-December. Will is slated for another training in Alabama, this time for five weeks, at the end of September through October, when I'll be starting the third trimester. I already gave my firm notice that I'll be leaving and my last day is September 25. So I'll get some time with just me and Little Will again before the next baby comes. Frankly, I can't imagine having to do daycare drop-offs and pick-ups by myself on top of the stress of meeting billable hour targets. He goes to the daycare on base now, which adds a good thirty minute to my commute if there's no line to get into the gate (there's always a line in the morning). Add in all the rest of the single parenting obligations and it's just not happening! And the good Lord saw fit to add in Will's 2-year pay raise beginning in September and it was kind of a no-brainer that I should quit the full-time gig. Everything lined up to make it an easy decision.

How has work been going? At first, I was really enjoying the change of pace from stay at home mom life. Little Will weaned pretty quickly once the separation started, making the full transition at about 11 months. At the same time he started sleeping through the night! I didn't have my Illinois license yet, so I was given a lot of interesting research projects off the bat and was writing substantive motions. I think in my first two months I wrote something like 10 substantive motions. I really enjoyed that. However, once I ran out of that work, I still had no license, so I was confined to doing non-billable research projects and/or mindless law clerk/paralegal work. It was pretty lame. I didn't get sworn in to the Illinois bar until mid-April. At that point I was assigned my own insurance defense fender bender type cases. I got like 5 cases in two weeks so those kept me fairly busy, which I enjoyed. Being busy. Not really the substantive work. Buuut, as usual, once I worked them up there wasn't much left to do but wait for medical records to come in. I would sit at my desk during the day wishing I could just leave, and shoot out the door right at 5. I told my boss about a month ago that I was leaving in September, and a couple weeks ago he told me that he was taking all my cases and reassigning them to other associates so they could see them through. That's fine with me. Now I've been doing project-based work for partners, which has been fine. The problem is that they still want me to hit a certain billable hour target, but I don't have enough work to hit it all the time. That can be pretty stressful. But I only have a few months left with the firm, so I'm not sweating it!… too much… I need to keep all my options open when it comes to career. We just don't know what the future holds, i.e., where we'll be living next year, what the financial picture will look like, what life with two under two will look like! I'm all about keeping all the doors open at this point. 

And the pregnancy. I will have to start updating a little bit to compare the two. Right now I'm 13 weeks and 1 day, and I look about 18 weeks pregnant with Little Will. I have big important plans to find maternity work pants this afternoon. What a life. Morning sickness was pretty intense for about a month, just like my first pregnancy, but this time with added horrible stomach cramps. I had only gained two pounds in the first 11 or so weeks, but then the super munchies kicked in and I've gained a couple more pounds in the past 2 weeks. Still half what I gained in the first tri with Baby Billy Brez. But with my appetite lately, I'm not holding out hope that I will avoid gaining 50 pounds this time. My hunch is that it's a girl. We will find out (and tell everyone!!) in 6 short weeks. 

I guess that's all for now! I hope to check in a little more regularly now that I have an end-date at work. Side note: Will's MacBook died, which I used for blogging, so I am working off my even older MacBook from law school and I have no way to download photos off my Nikon, which is one big reason I've been putting off blogging. I still need to figure that out, but I guess it will just have to be crappy, unedited cell phone photos uploaded on the Blogger app for now. All about my interesting technical difficulties. I NEED to share some of the funny/weird stuff that William has been doing and saying because what else is blogging for? Anyway. Tata for now! But I will be back soon! Pinky swear.

Ethan's Third Birthday

Happy {Belated} Third Birthday to Will's godson, Ethan! 

Will's favorite birthday was his Jurassic Park themed birthday at the bowling alley. "I had a Jurassic Park cake and party stuff and I bowled a 300. Maybe, hehe!"- Will. I think Ethan's party gave Jurassic Park bowling alley party a run for its money. Will doubts it, but you can judge for yourself (totally unbiased and all) after seeing these snapshots from Ethan's party . . . . 

^^^Super hero theme.

I mean, there was a BOUNCE HOUSE. What kid doesn't dream of a party with a bounce house with all her friends, only taking breaks for cake and cookies?

^^^Even Will, child trapped in an adult's body, got in on the bounce house action. 

^^^Mad hops.

Nope, I sadly did not make it into the bounce house. I did, however, get bit by a vicious ant while I was snapping these pics. The bite still itches! I am expecting my superpowers to kick in any day now . . .  super ant strength, able to communicate with my mind, work nonstop and never sleep, etc. When it happens I probably won't share it on my blog in order to protect you. With great power comes great responsibility. (Oh, I killed this joke three sentences ago?) Taylor is not impressed:

Ethan seems okay with it, though. (He humors me.)

Next came gifts and singing happy birthday! We got Ethan The Action Bible. It was a super hero themed party after all. He is definitely too young to read the words, but it's never too early to introduce him to our favorite super hero of all, Jesus Christ.

^^^Big sister seemed very concerned about her little brother's ability to blow out the candles.

. . . He did just fine!

And was the cake yummy? I'll let the lil' guy himself answer that for you:

Yup.

Happy Birthday!

Shots from Yesterday: Carolina Livin'

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my baby daddy and most favorite person in the world, Will Brez!

Side bar: It's really no wonder we fell in love. That duck he is clinging to for dear life happens to have the same hair-do as his future wife. 

That is no coincidence. 

Will we have cute babies? I question it. . . . Moving along . . .

He is currently dominating the North Carolina bar exam for the second day in a row! His relief and excitement with finally being done the exam must be the greatest birthday gift of all. 

Will and I went to college in North Carolina and I must say we are still very much in love with the state. The Cheerwine and the barbecue. The rolling hills covered in actual foliage. Four distinct seasons per year. All of the above. I was actually able to run outside for the first time in months since the heat is not stifling in the morning hours like it is you-know-where. (Yeah, it's the equiv of Voldemort.) The people here are actually friendly and helpful. It's like visiting another country.

Will's brother and sister-in-law live here in NC so we were able to stay and visit with them during our trip. They are the best and have the smartest most cutest daughter ever, that just loves her uncle Will. (By the way, sorry in advance for eating all your Cheetos.)

Birthday kisses. 

As my Aunt Jodie Lou would say, "STOP THE MADNESS. I CAN'T TAKE IT."

They have a chicken pen in the back yard, providing not only fresh eggs every day but adorable photo ops. Like I said in my last post, I am in love with f/1.8 and I no I will not apologize for it. 

"Say cheese! . . . No? . . . Okay."

After visiting with the chicks, Will got to check out out the playhouse he painstakingly assembled during our last trip to NC.

"Show me where the black widows are!"

It has a kitchen and a working doorbell and you know you're kind of jealous.

Now I need to stop eating Cheetos and figure out a birthday gift for Will!

Until next time,

T